Dafoe Sex Scene Ratings
🔞🎃 This page contains adult images 🎃🔞
You WILL see screenshots of Willem's confusingly large cock n ballz, as well as spoilers for the movies he's in.
Proceed to scroll ONLY if you are ready to withstand the full length of my ramblings.
Mood Music
The Scientific Method
QUERY:
Why do directors love making this guy fuck????
OBSERVATION:
While Dafoe himself says he's ugly, and many men say he's ugly as well, this guy has so much sex on screen! His first role is as a seductive biker who gets his whole ass n' balls out. Half his filmography includes a Dafoe sex scene (to the point that I included that on my Dafoe movie night bingo). Heck, he's 70 right now and he's still doing sex scenes in movies!!!
“I sometimes see pictures of myself, out of the context of acting,” says Dafoe, pausing mid-thought. “You know, red carpet pictures, things like that. And I just look so ugly, I look so grotesque and weird. My face expresses things that I don’t even intend for it to express sometimes. It’s got a mind of its own!”
- the gentleman's journal
THESIS:
A popular hentai trope is the Ugly Bastard who gets to have sex with much hotter women. Think Ron Jeremy. The Ugly Bastard is easy for dudes to project on, and there's a certain degradation to the kink of ugly x hot.
But the thing is, Dafoe is not conventionally attractive, but he's not even conventionally ugly. While he possesses very unique features, he's still a skinny white celebrity. Let's think about celebrities who have very specific looks, yet are hailed as sex gods. Think Mick jagger or Prince. Dudes say they're unfuckable or ugly, but chicks LOVE funny-lookin' femboy friday. Doin' it right tbh. Who doesn't want to look hot for chicks and chicks only???
The first film that Dafoe fucks in, The Loveless, was directed by a woman. Madonna specifically wanted Dafoe to be her co-star in an erotic thriller. There's plenty of films in which he has sex scenes that have been directed by men too. Maybe they have different motivations for specifically getting Dafoe to fuck for them, maybe Dafoe is one of those ol' reliable guys who just loves saying yes to whatever the director asks (after all, he does say he enjoys being their "creature"), but nonetheless directors just can't stop watching this dude fuck!!!!
EXPERIMENTS:
I've only watched a couple dozen movies from Dafoe's vast filmography, but on this page I will endeavor to catalog and rate them. With pictures included!!! Maybe you'll find a new movie to watch! Maybe you'll feel the depths of dispair at seeing Dafoe's O-face. Either way, have fun.
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RANKING SYSTEM:
I will rank on a 5 fruit rating system, based on:
1. PPs (Penis Power score) - 🍆 The scene's actions and ideas.
2. Willemosity - 🎃 Dafoe's acting and looks.
There will be unmarked spoilers for all the movies.
I will hide upsetting images (such as gore or sexual assault) behind a blurred image link.
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The Anal-lysis:
(1981) The Loveless
PPs: 🍆
Willemosity: 🎃🎃🎃
His nuts are out lol. Post coitus. The characters are just laying on top of each other like jengas bricks.
Mr. Dafoe is way too young for my tastes in his first major role, at the baby age of 28. But he still has a HUGE ribcage! That means you have HUGE lungs!
(1988) The Last Temptation of Christ
PPs: 🍆🍆🍆
Willemosity: 🎃🎃🎃🎃
Magdalene (hey that's my name!) does hurt/comfort sex on Willem "creepy jesus" Dafoe. Jesus is vulnerable and bottoming at first. Scene would have gotten a 5/5 if Jesus was on the bottom during missionary.
I seriously wasn't expecting the Jesus Sex Scene that destroyed our Dafoctober drinking game. It's infamous to boomers though. Fundies really got mad that Scorcese imagined Jesus imagining not being a kissless virgin.
Don't mind the lil kid watching. That's just SATAN. He's going "HEHEHEHE" and rubbing his lil hands together, cuz he made jesus think of sinful things like consensual missionary sex for the purpose of procreation.
(1993) Body of Evidence [1/3]
PPs: 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆
Willemosity: 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃
This movie's dynamic is interesting because Willem's character has power of attourney over Madonna's character in the courtroom. But M'donna dominates D'foe in the bedroom.
Fun ideas in this scene! Madonna rips Dafoe's shirt off to suck his nipple, and pops his bondage cherry with his own belt. Then she forces him to suck his finger. You rarely get to see dudes penetrated by ladies (non-comedically) in mainstream movies. The only other example I can think of is Springbreakers. 5/5 for that alone.
The hot wax was apparently improvised, which makes it double hilarious that men hate Willem in this role. His pained O-face is too real!
(1993) Body of Evidence [2/3]
PPs: 🍆🍆
Willemosity: 🎃🎃🎃
I just want to say it's incredible how Dafoe is only about 35 years old in this film, yet already looks 60. Yet his character says "Am I too young for your usual taste?". Dude aged like grapes!!!
Madonna, still in dom mode, publically zerks Dafoe in a packed elevator. Then we get the coochie riding scene. No body doubles here, we ain't Von Trier. Willem says that Madonna smelled like ice cream.
There's this absolutely awful shot of Dafoe doing that classic shit eating grin. Atta boy, kill those boners. Hetero penetration is kinda boring so the scene is eh from here on out.
(1993) Body of Evidence [3/3]
PPs: 🍆🍆
Willemosity: 🎃🎃🎃
The movie reverses femdom into femsub for the last sex scene.
D'foe turns M'donna's bondage against her and puts it in her butt? She struggles and says ow. But SHE ENJOYS IT CUZ SHE WAS TRYNA MANIPULATE HIM INTO IT THE WHOLE TIME.
I think M'donna and I have the same complaint about this movie: Too on the nose about "WOMAN LIKE SEX EVIL WHORE!!!" This 90's movie treats bdsm like a mystical art. Now it's the most entry level 50's Shade kink LOL.
I do enjoy this absolutely ape face Willem pulls. Total goblinization.
(2009) Antichrist [1/4]
PPs: 🍆🍆
Willemosity: 🎃🎃🎃
This is the movie where everyone gets the "confusingly large" penis quote, from the director Von Trier's shock at Willem's penis. It's full of sex scenes and will need the next couple of posts.
Generic M/F stuff, but is made 5000% better and hilarious by their kid falling out a window and dying at the end. What a way to start a movie!
They used a stunt penis cuz Willem's was too big. Not enough real Willem shots! I want more ribcage!!! :/ Great yumejoshi bait for those who want to self-insert as his wife though.
(2009) Antichrist
[2/4]
PPs: 🍆🍆🍆🍆
Willemosity: 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃
Forest scene. I skipped the bathroom scene cuz there's not much to comment on.
Earlier in the movie, his wife begs him to hit her during sex. He says no. But she's psychotic now, so he desperately chokes n smacks her to try to get her out of it. Fun storytelling! Great bait for the daddy fetishists.
His whole HOLE in this scene is the movie poster. His ass had to be censored for international release. Yay! He's delightfully stringy, and you see his bony back and Hank Hill ass more than Charlotte's body during this whole scene, a great reversal of the camera usually focusing on the woman.
(2009) Antichrist [3/4]
PPs: 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆
Willemosity: 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃
THE scene. Don't click the above image unless you want to see a bloody fake dink.
She rapes him, destroys his dick with a brick, he goes unconscious, but she's still so horny that she zerks him til he nuts blood. Absolutely insane. This is golden storytelling.
Stunt penis. Maybe a dildo to pump the ketchup out? Dafoe does a great job making us feel bad for him, even though he's lowkey been a dick the whole movie. Damn, this guy not only gets endless sex scenes but also endless emotional whimpering scenes too.
(2009) Antichrist [4/4]
PPs: 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆
Willemosity: 🎃🎃🎃
End scene. Don't click above unless you want to see the threat of genital mutilation.
He is DYING but she's so horny she uses his unconscious hand to zerk it. Then she cuts her clit off. INSANE. 🤮 Every sex scene could end like this...
This whole movie is a great example of sex scenes being necessary for the story. I don't like the whole movie, and I don't like the director. But damn bitch how many movies have the cock n' balls n' clit to show cock n' ball n' clit torture?!??!
He just looks dead and cute. Charlotte steals the scene here with her desperation.
(2019) Siberia
PPs: 🍆🍆🍆🍆
Willemosity: 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃
Starts off pretty boring, with old ass Willem banging doggystyle. Then the girl pushes him down and chokefucks him. THEN the girl cums n' turns into his mom. Girl on top, rough sex AND unexplained incest?? Yowza!
Mr. Dafoe is in his prime, 60+ and sexy. His bigass ribcage is quite big indeed, and he does a great job crying while having a psychosexual nightmare.
to be continued...
